What to Expect from Anxiety Counselors
Article by Dan Stelter
Many times people hear me push counseling, but why is it that I push counseling so heavily? The simple answer is that it is very effective, especially if it is being used by someone who has a low resistance to it. However, counseling can be a very scary prospective for anyone, and particularly so for those of us who are social phobics. Thoughts run through our minds that we must be
6 Insights into Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling is a dirty word in most married households. For couples, it signals that what were once small issues and problems have escalated to the point that outside help must be sought. It is rare that both partners reach this decision level at the same time. More often than not, one partner feels and endures the situation to near the point of departure from the relationship. It is when that partner explodes emotionally or simply announces a separation that the other partner realizes the size and complexity of the problems. What could have been solved with some frank discussions a month or a year ago will now require counseling and a long-term commitment to the relationship to fix.
Effective marriage counseling requires the sincere participation of both partners.
Because every family’s story has two sides, no counselor can give correct and effective counseling without interviewing both partners. Usually, these interviews are best conducted with one partner at a time. It is common for both partners to come together, but each gets to see the counselor for about one half of the session. The counselor may bring both parties back together at the end for a brief outline of steps both should take before the next session to begin rebuilding the relationship. The problems may or may not be covered in this summary time.
The counselor will take time before the next session to review the materials gained in the interview.
Often the two accounts will have a wide discrepancy in the stated facts. It is the counselor’s job to devise a plan to get the stories to merge into one somewhat accurate picture of the relationship. From this effort, questions will be formulated to reconcile the two accounts.
The second session will generally consist of additional interviewing regarding the variations in the former accounts.
Depending on the whether there is physical danger possible between the marriage partners, the counselor may choose to do the second interviews together or individually again. Also, keeping the interviews separate in this second session can allow the counselor to control the emotional level of the effort. However, the true will usually emerge quicker when the couple is interviewed together if they can remain civil toward each other. Additional homework will be assigned to the couple after the results of the previous assignments have been evaluated.
Couples must do their part to rebuild the damaged areas of the relationship.
No counselor can fix your marriage if you do not work on it yourself. Marriage counselors are not like the mechanic at the corner garage. They put the tools to repair and rebuild the relationship into your hands. You must do the work. The work consists of becoming helpful to the other partner. It may also involve a certain amount of honest communication that has a time limit of 15 minutes or less a few times per week. The counselor should give guidance about the content of these conversations. They may involve child care, housework, money management and planning, showing affection, respect, or any of a host of other common topics for couples.
The length of the counseling depends on the work of the couple and severity of the problems.
Often what is perceived as a deep problem can be solved with one or two concessions on the part of the offending partner. Like the couple who constantly argued about the cleanliness of the house. It turned out that the husband had built the house before the marriage and considered a dirty house to be a comment on what the wife thought of his skills. He also was a man who did not often show affection. The counselor privately informed the man about the wife’s two big concerns. Advice was given to sell the house, send his wife flowers, and ask her on a dinner date. The advice was taken and the marriage was saved. It was just that simple. Other marital issues are not so easily solved. Counseling should continue until both partners are satisfied that the marriage is sound, or progress is no longer being achieved.
While highly trained and licensed counselors are good, a pastor or chaplain who can be objective can be just as effective in many instances.
Because pastors deal with the circumstances in many different lives, they frequently have the experience to deal with the majority of couples marital problems. Most are wise enough to know when the situation will be better served by a trained and licensed counselor. The real advantage of starting counseling with a pastor or chaplain is the cost. Marriage counselors will charge 0 per hour and up for their services. A few church related counselors may have a sliding scale of fees based on the couple’s perceived ability to pay. Many pastors do not charge for this service because it is seen as a function of the church that they serve.
Written by ATeal